The Star Wars Holiday Special

You've probably heard of it. And if you have, you might be interested in seeing it just to see how bad it really is. Well, don't. Seriously. As someone who enjoys bad pop culture almost as much as he loves Christmas, I can tell you that The Star Wars Holiday Special isn't even the kind of crap you can enjoy ironically. It's a sad, embarrassing debacle that somehow manages to top Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and Jar Jar Binks as George Lucas' most shameful creation.

The story goes something like this: In 1978, the concept of the variety show-style television special was quickly becoming irrelevant. CBS, however, decided to give the genre one last shot, figuring the incredible popularity of Star Wars would make it a surefire hit. They hired the best variety show writers money could buy, including Bruce Vilanch, and got talent like Bea Arthur, Art Carney, Harvey Korman, and Jefferson Starship to sign on. Then Lucas stepped in and predictably fucked everything up, demanding that the plot revolve around Chewbacca's family, who are waiting for him to return for "Life Day". This, of course, ensured that it would be the first television special featuring a cast that spoke exclusively in growls and grunts. Also, Mark Hamill is plastered in orange makeup to cover the scarring from a motorcycle accident. And the special took place at the height of Carrie Fisher's booze/pills phase. And Harrison Ford wanted nothing to do with it.  And the grandpa wookie pretty much masturbates to a hologram of a sexy R&B singer. And it's two hours long. And the only good thing about it is a cartoon that itself isn't all that great. It's unbearably, unwatchably, irredeemably bad.

But if you are brave, by all means seek out a copy.  Since Lucas reportedly attempted to gather and destroy every existing copy, the only versions to be found these days are either on YouTube or bootlegs somehow recorded off the TV in an era before the proliferation of VCRs.  If you're "lucky" enough to get a hold of one of them, the best part about it will be the commercials for things like home perms and the 1979 Buick Regal.  Go ahead and give it a shot if you're a masochist like me - at least now I can tell my grandkids that I suffered through it. The Star Wars Holiday Special was my Vietnam.