Jingle All the Way

It may have been the result of excessive Christmastime pot smoking, but sometime over the last few years a screening of the 1996 film Jingle All the Way has become a yearly tradition for me.  Even as far as Schwarzenegger comedies go, this one is batshit crazy.  It's pretty much a live action cartoon, with Arnold miscast as an All-American Dad who will go to any insane lengths to procure a coveted Turbo Man doll for his son. It's got a pretty amazing cast, including Sinbad, Rita Wilson, Verne Troyer, The Big Show, Chris Parnell, Martin Mull, Curtis Armstrong, and many more. In one of his final roles, Phil Hartman is genuinely disturbing as a lecherous divorcee with designs on Arnold's wife and her "cookies".

There are a few depressing things about this movie you'll have to overlook, however.  Arnold's son is played by Jake "Young Anakin Skywalker" Lloyd, whose face and voice just make you want to beat the kid like a rug whenever he's onscreen.  Comedy legends Harvey Korman and Laraine Newman have a cameo at the beginning that lasts a matter of seconds, while Sinbad has the whole movie to "shine".  And then, of course, there's the message: You can neglect your child all you want, as long as you're able to purchase their love with a hard-to-find Christmas present.

However if you can just give yourself over to the insanity of it all, this movie is a wild ride involving toy store riots, kung-fu Santas, bomb threats, jetpacks, and Jim Belushi.  Just make sure you have plenty of Yuletide intoxicants on hand!