The Long Kiss Goodnight

Much like Lifetime original Christmas movies, the films of Shane Black often follow a very specific formula (and my apologies to Shane Black for being the first and last person to compare his films to Lifetime original Christmas movies). A mismatched pair of protagonists. An endless supply of smartly written banter. A colorful cast of side characters and villains. A precocious child. Lots of smoking and/or drinking. A convoluted, sinister conspiracy. Tons of kickass action. But of course my favorite thing about Shane Black films is that most of them involve Christmas in some way. Why? Who knows. You don't question a genius.*

Black cut his teeth scripting The Monster Squad, but he really made his mark on Hollywood as the screenwriter of the 1987 blockbuster Lethal Weapon - the first film where he put the Shane Black Formula to work. It's actually said that the quintessential Christmas action flick, Die Hard, was only set at Christmas at the request of producer Joel Silver, who got the idea when he was working on Lethal Weapon. And yes, Die Hard rules. You aren't going to get any argument about that from me. But the empirically proven fact is that it is eclipsed in every possible category by a movie I discovered shockingly recently - 1996's The Long Kiss Goodnight.

The film opens on a small town Christmas parade, in which beloved schoolteacher Samantha Caine (the always awesome Geena Davis) is presiding over a float. She has a loving family, an adorable

daughter, and a lovely home. Driving an inebriated guest home from her Christmas party, however, Samantha gets into an accident which triggers strange memories of her violent past as CIA assassin Charley Baltimore.

After an assassin notices her on the news and shows up at the house for the first of many beautiful gun-centric action sequences, she decides to hit the road with comically mismatched private eye Mitch Henessey (Samuel L. Jackson). They encounter a colorful cast of side characters and villains, engage in endless smartly written banter, do a lot of smoking and drinking, perpetrate tons of kickass action, and uncover a convoluted, sinister conspiracy.The fact that Black can pretty much do the same damn thing over and over and still make it hugely original every time is a testament to his talent.

And unlike Die Hard, the Christmas season isn't just in the background of The Long Kiss Goodnight - it's practically a character. Its settings include a charming small town that wouldn't be out of place in a Lifetime original Christmas movie (sorry, Shane), among other rustic locales. There are decorations and revelers everywhere, and plenty of seasonal tunes. The numerous action sequences are accented by falling snow and Christmas lights. It's a movie that simultaneously gets you in the holiday spirit as well as Rudolph and manages to be one of the most kickass action movies of all time.

The Long Kiss Goodnight is also one of the first movies to feature a female lead in a blockbuster action film - the concept of Davis, then-husband/director Renny Harlin, and Black, who fought for Davis' casting over Stephen Seagal and Sylvester Stallone. Both of which would have been awful. The movie takes place in and around New Jersey (which scores points for any movie in my book). And the dialogue includes some of the most quotable and hilarious lines in any Shane Black movie. It just frigging rules.

So if you have yet to discover this hidden gem in the Shame Black catalogue, I highly suggest getting your hands on it in any form (I recommend classic VHS, of course) and watching it this holiday season. I'll be watching Die Hard this year, of course, but I'll probably be watching The Long Kiss Goodnight like five times.

*The answer can actually be found in this video essay by the brilliant Patrick H Willems: