Home Alone

I can understand why so many people find Home Alone to be a Christmas classic, probably because I loved the movie too for a very long time.  As a kid, I must have seen it five times in the theaters, a record I would break twenty years later with Hot Tub Time Machine.  But recently, I've decided I don't like Home Alone very much at all.  You see, I can't enjoy any story where I dislike the protagonist.  And I think that Kevin McCallister is an evil little prick.

He's a jerk to his family - sure, you can chalk that up to suburban kid angst, but if he's like this now he's going to be completely insufferable as a teenager.  When they ditch him on Christmas, he mostly sees it as an opportunity to eat lots of ice cream and watch violent movies.  He's a smarmy dick to anyone he encounters, and he scams a pizza guy (as a former delivery professional, this is his most unforgivable crime).  Then, when two burgulars attempt to break into his house, he physically tortures them in awful, sadistic ways.  I mean come on, they're not war criminals.  Just call the damn cops, you sick little bastard!

But whatever, far be it from me to shit all over someone else's beloved holiday tradition.  So go ahead and enjoy Home Alone this season - just know that I'll be watching Jingle All the Way instead.