Santa's Slay

There have been a lot of horror-themed Christmas movies made over the years, but it's very hard to find one in which Santa Claus himself is the killer. Sure, there are plenty of flicks where the villain is a guy dressed in a Santa outfit, which I guess is kind of cool, but for the most part the killings are performed by a mutant snowman, a deranged chef, or just a plain ol' serial killer. Call me crazy, but all I wanted was a movie where Santa Claus himself snapped and started murdering people - and finally my prayers were answered with the 2005 film Santa's Slay.

The movie stars WCW wrestler Bill Goldberg as Santa, who apparently is a demon who lost a bet with an angel and must spend eternity delivering toys to children all over the world. Once the bet is off, however, he decides to take out his pent-up hostility on the residents of a charming Midwestern town. The movie also features SCTV alum Dave Thomas as the mayor, veteran character actor Saul Rubinek as "Mr. Green", and 70's television staple Robert Culp as "Grandpa". The only problem? It sucks. How could you make a movie about a bloodthirsty Santa Claus played by a former wrestler suck? It could be that it was written and directed by David Steiman, whose main credit up until that point was assistant to Bret Rattner. But for whatever reason, other than a few random Santa Claus murders, Santa's Slay is a major disappointment.

The one thing that almost saves the movie, though, is its opening scene. For some reason, Steiman had access to the most random assortment collection of actors ever, including James Caan, Fran Dresher, Chris Kattan, and Rebecca Gayheart. In their all-too-brief scene, they play a family of awful people whose Christmas dinner is interrupted when Santa comes down the chimney. Santa proceeds to gleefully murder the entire clan, including the dog. It's a fantastic, jaw-dropping scene and probably the only part of Santa's Slay you really need to see. When it comes to Christmas movies about murderous monsters, you should probably stick to Gremlins.