He-Man & She-Ra: A Christmas Special

I've got to be honest with you guys - I never really watched He-Man when I was a kid. I don't know why, since it certainly was aimed squarely at my demographic back in the 80's, but I guess I was just more of a Rubik, The Amazing Cube guy. Regardless, I wasn't going to let that technicality keep me from watching (and attempting to enjoy) He-Man & She-Ra: A Christmas Special.

First of all, it turns out that the world of He-Man and She-Ra is weirder than I could have possibly imagined. I knew that they were a prince and princess who changed into badass defenders of Greyskull when they held up a sword or whatever, but what I didn't know was how many bizarre supporting characters there were. All kinds of weird alien creatures, a mermaid who talks like Zsa Zsa Gabor, a dude with a metal elephant head, and of course Orko - the dumbass, troublemaking creature with the annoying voice that seems to have been a staple of 80's action/adventure cartoons (see also: Snarf).

Anyway, He-Man and She-Ra are twins and it's their birthday, which happens to be right around the Earth holiday known as "Christmas". But of course Orko fucks everything up by accidentally flying He-Man's spy jet to Earth, where he meets two adorable children who got lost trying to find a Christmas tree in the woods. Why two kids lost in the woods would immediately befriend a weird-ass floating space creature is beyond me - weren't there PSAs about that sort of thing in the 80's? - but the kids take time to explain to Orko the Meaning of Christmas (love, presents, vague references to the birth of Jesus).

Meanwhile, He-Man and She-Ra have to get a magic crystal, fight a monster, and outwit some giant robots for some reason in order to get Orko and the spy plane back. Unfortunately, Skeletor manages to kidnap the two Earth kids during all of this nonsense. Left alone with Skeletor, the kids find an adorable space puppy and help ol' bony-face get into the holiday spirit.

Let me just talk about Skeletor for a second here - I found it almost impossible to take him seriously as a villain. Maybe they dumbed him down for the Christmas special, maybe it's because he sounds exactly like The Monarch from The Venture Brothers (or rather, The Monarch sounds like him), or maybe it's because he's so easily turned into a sniveling wuss by two doe-eyed kids, but come on dude. Also, apparently he has to answer to a boss who's supposedly even more evil than him, which reminded me of when I found out in G.I. Joe: The Movie that Serpentor had to answer to some alien dude with the voice of Burgess Meredith. Lame.

So obviously He-Man and She-Ra save the day, they have a wonderful Christmas/birthday party with all their freaky alien friends back at the castle, and they send the kids home to their parents. After the whole ordeal is over, He-Man (as his alter ego, the incredibly lame Prince Adam), attempts to once again explain to Orko that Christmas is about more than just presents before ending with an "Oh, Orko..." and a knowing glance to the audience.

In closing, I guess He-Man and She-Ra: A Christmas Special had pretty much everything I'd expect from a Christmas special featuring He-Man and She-Ra. It all seems like a bunch of silly nonsense now, but certainly no sillier than Galaxy High was. Did Galaxy High do a Christmas episode? I'll have to look into it.