New Year's Eve

Okay, so the Cavalcade isn't done just yet. New Year's Eve is technically part of the "holiday season", and no one takes down the Christmas decorations until after it's over. Unfortunately, I really can't muster anywhere near the same enthusiasm for the 31st that I can for the 25th. Maybe it's because it marks the end of the holidays and the beginning of Just Plain Winter. Maybe it's because I very rarely have someone to kiss at midnight. Maybe it's because I'm emotionally spent after blowing my Christmas wad. Whatever it is, it's pretty lame. But that's certainly not going to stop me from writing a blog post about it!

The one thing you can always count on on New Year's Eve is that everyone usually waits until the last minute to make plans, and as a result things end up being pretty half-assed. Gawker actually wrote a really great article about the five types of New Year's parties, most of which suck. Frank Loesser, who also wrote "Baby, it's Cold Outside", encourages us to avoid these problems by planning ahead (even if it's much too early in the game) in his song "What Are You Doing New Year's Eve?" And no, I'm not going to post that Zooey Deschanel/Joseph Gordon Levitt version that's been all over Facebook. Even though yes, it is fucking adorable.



As you may already know, I love The OC. And one of the most memorable episodes from its stellar first season is when Ryan makes it to the New Year's party just in time to keep Marissa from having to kiss Oliver at midnight. Oliver, of course, was the creepy weirdo she met in her therapist's waiting room who she keeps insisting to Ryan is "just a friend" even though he is, as I mentioned, a creepy weirdo who (SPOILER ALERT) ends up in a scary situation later in the season involving pills and guns. But anyway, here is the scene in which Ryan (as usual) saves the day. SWOON.



John Roberts, famous for The Christmas Tree, recently brought back his New Jersey mom character for an epic New Year's video. In it, Mom prepares for a party, philosophizes about New Year's resolutions, and gets drunk with her best friend Fran (played by Blondie's Debbie Harry). Enjoy it, and have a great 2012, everybody!

The Christmas Song

The day after Christmas is really sad, especially for someone who loves it at much as I do.  You've got to pack up, go back to work, and quit all the holiday spirit cold turkey.  And just like Christmas eventually must end, so too must the Christmas Cavalcade.  I'd like to thank all of my readers - the blog really took off as the month went on and we've had visitors from as far away as Russia and Brazil! I sincerely hope that I was able to help make your holiday season a little more awesome.

We're gonna close things out with what I consider the ultimate Christmas song, and it is appropriately titled "The Christmas Song".  It was written in 1944 by Mel Tormé and Bob Wells, and later recorded by Nat King Cole.  It was Cole's idea to use a string section in his recording, and could you really imagine the song without one? The opening strains of "The Christmas Song" immediately fill me with every positive emotion associated with the season, and if they don't do the same to you, you must not have a soul.



So thanks again, everybody.  Have a wonderful Christmas and a kickass New Year's!  And stay tuned for my upcoming blog, "Larson's Cavalcade of Presidents' Day"!

Christmastime for the Jews

Robert Smeigel, the genius behind TV Funhouse, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, and uh, Don't Mess with the Zohan (okay, two out of three ain't bad), is responsible for this fantastic song. Darlene Love tells us what our Jewish friends are up to while we're inside celebrating Christmas - blasting Streisand, playing professional basketball, and drinking their "sweet ass wine".

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation/A Christmas Story

Regular viewings of National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation and A Christmas Story this time of year are as reliable as a visit from the man in the red suit.  You can always count on cable television to ensure that you get to see both of these classics every year, probably more than once.  They're kind of like two relatives that you look forward to seeing every Christmas - they're familiar, they're funny, and they may tell the same jokes every year but you don't really care.

A Christmas Story is based on a series of short stories author Jean Shephard (who also narrates the film) wrote for Playboy magazine in the 1960's.  In it, a boy named Ralphie's single-minded quest for a Red Ryder BB gun is fraught with evil Santas, violent gingers, and the Bumpus hounds.  Ralphie was played by actor Peter Billingsley, who (contrary to popular belief) never became a porn star but went on to produce films like The Break-Up and Iron Man.  And of course Ralphie's father, "The Old Man", was played by Darren McGavin - an actor that you'll probably also recognize as Billy Madison's dad. Here's a clip of Ralphie telling Santa what he really wants for Christmas.

Christmas Vacation is a film for a slightly more "adult" crowd, which chronicles Clark Griswold's equally passionate quest to provide the perfect Christmas for his family. Randy Quaid (as Cousin Eddie) really steals the show ("Shitter was full!"), but I'll always have a soft spot for Uncle Lewis (famous old man William Hickey) and Aunt Bethany (Mae Questel, the original voice of Betty Boop and Olive Oyl). "Grace? She passed away thirty years ago!"  Here's a clip of Clark's famous freakout when he realizes he's gotten a jelly club membership instead of his expected Christmas bonus.  Clark Griswold IS the 99%.

Christmas Pin-Ups

And now, just for the hell of it, here are some Christmas pin-ups. This first one is entitled "The Bellringer" and it raises a lot of questions. Isn't she cold? Are those priests checking her out? What exactly is a Christmas basket fund? Am I really getting turned on by a drawing from the 50's?

Now this is one lucky-ass snowman. Of course, that lady is totally someone's grandma.

I am totally in love with this girl. Someday I will fly to Sweden and marry her, but in the meantime I will just look at her Christmas pin-up pictures and sigh wistfully.

Oh, and here's an extra special Christmas pin-up for my female readers! Awwwwww yeah.

Baby, It's Cold Outside

"Baby, It's Cold Outside" is a beloved Christmas classic. It was prominently featured in the movie Elf. And it is also all about date rape. Of course, I didn't actually realize this until I sung it for karaoke and had to pay attention to the lyrics. It's kind of weird that I didn't though, cause it's really all there. It's hard to believe I'd been listening to it my whole life and never picked up on what it was really about - a guy trying to coerce a hesitant young lady to stay at his place and get drunk so he can take advantage of her. In fact, on the original printed score, the parts are labeled "mouse" and "wolf".

Maybe I'm overreacting, though. After all, it was written by Frank Loesser to be a duet with his wife, which is kind of romantic. You can't date rape your spouse, right? It won an Oscar for best original song in 1949, and I'm pretty sure they wouldn't give an Academy Award to a song about attempted rape. And Blossom sang it with her dad in an episode of Blossom, so... okay that's kind of weird.

There have been countless versions of this song released over the years bringing together pairs like Ray Charles & Dionne Warwick, Robert Palmer & Carnie Wilson, and Bette Midler & James Caan. But to me, the creepiest version is by Tom Jones and someone named Cerys Matthews. Tom Jones has always struck me as kind of rape-y anyway, and this video featuring him as some kind of rape demon makes me feel all kinds of uncomfortable (although there is a twist ending). Merry Christmas?

A Very Fuppets Holiday Christmas

In 1999, Portuguese artist Arturo Lima created the "Tiny Fuppets" - a group of baby creatures who have whimsical adventures together. Although they may bear a striking resemblance to other, similar, and arguably more popular characters, they are entirely original and were thought up by Lima during a particularly inspirational fanboat ride. Or so the story goes.

American fans of the Tiny Fuppets have had to wait patiently as episodes of the classic series slowly leak into the United States. Their patience and loyalty were rewarded this week when Lima released the fifth Fuppets cartoon for American audiences - "A Very Fuppets Holiday Christmas". In it, Kormit, Mrs. Woman, Animanuel, Gonzor, and Tummi engage in a danger-filled yuletide journey to their cabin in the backyard. It features a special guest star not seen since "Party Pals" and is dedicated to the memory of Piano Dog. Enjoy!